Get ready, my friends, because here the power will be shown for real of this "Human Mood", what it is capable of doing.
I give you ...
And this time I do not feel to add more.
Night Advances - Tucker Quarters.
******
I reach the bathroom, where I, myself, placed his medicine when the Doctor told me that my T'hai'la would be discharged, finally.
I feel an illogical but pleasant surge of pride, remembering the words Phlox said to me. "Here it is."
I looked perplexed at him, while I was accepting from his hands the medicine my K'diwa should take.
"Well, T'Pol." - There was on his face the most broad of his smiles - "Surely, if I have a good memory of the few of things I was able to learn about that strange stuff, that hearsay, as Vulcans use to call it, that Vulcan Bond..." - His smile became slightly mischievous, at that point, while, at his following words, I was feeling my ears become warm without any possible control on my part. - "You know, from so intimate link between two people in love, that Vulcans prefer not to talk about it... well, if all this is correct, I'm persuaded that no one else except you can take care of Commander Tucker". - His smile got wider, if possible. - "And for certain only you are able to make Commander Tucker take his medicine obviating the enormous deal of fuss he will inevitably make."
I take the medicine in my hands from the medicine cabinet, allowing a small smile - now, that nobody can see - to lighten my face.
Yes, only I can take care of my Bond-Mate.
Pride spurts again inside me, mixed with a sweet joy. My Bond-Mate! The Bond-Mate who belongs only to me, to whom I belong. The Bond-Mate that I, only I, am able to prevent from making the "enormous deal of fuss" that he will, when he will have to "gobble this infamous rubbish." I sense my smile enlarging, as my T'hai'la's colorful sentence comes to mind.
Joy. There was a time I would have felt ashamed for having this feeling, for allowing myself not to repress it, with the severe, strict logic that I believed was capable of explaining all.
But logic is nothing without love. I learned this in the harder way, on my skin, and on the skin of my beloved. And I learned - my beloved taught me - that logic and love are not opposites, that brain and heart must go together, to make life good, true, worthy of being lived.
(*And joy...*)
I pour the right dose of medicine in the water with which I filled the glass.
(*...is nothing we have to be ashamed of, and it is made both with big and small things, as the quiet joy I feel while preparing this medicine for my Ashayam. *)
I commingle well the medicine.
(*As the joy I will feel when I will block my Ashayam from making any fuss, cuddling him sweetly and fondly on my bosom, making it more agreeable for him to... "gobble this infamous rubbish." *)
The medicine's smell tickles my nostrils.
(*E... even if...*)
TERRIBLE!
(*Even if I must admit ...*)
I open wide my eyes, while my nose shivers, harshly assailed by the... the really awful stink of the medicine! And I'm sure this stink doesn't smell so because I'm Vulcan!
(*Even if I must admit he is not altogether wrong!*)
I avert my eyes from the horrid and noisome mush the medicine became, without daring to think about what sort of ingredients Phlox used in order to rig up this "unparalleled invigorator", as he defined it, and, in doing that, I turn around and notice I don't bump into the shower unit, as sometimes happens in my bathroom, when I make some quick and unplanned move.
I look around, the glass in my hand, observing my K'diwa's bathroom. I didn't pay attention to its spaciousness when I brought here the... - I can't help but quiver slightly, stretching out from my body the hand which holds the glass - ... the medicine.
Obviously not too spacious, it would be impossible on a spaceship, but surely it's larger than my bathroom. And the shower unit... it, too, is larger than mine. I think... it can contain two persons comfortably.
I come out of the bathroom and enter my K'diwa's quarters, and I let my eyes go all around, watching with a new and attentive interest.
Our... encounters took place always in my quarters, and I didn't notice how those of my T'hai'la are roomy, more than mine, when we came in them tonight, and surely I didn't pay attention to them when I met Sim here.
This one... this one about Sim is a sudden and unwelcome thought, and even more now, that I'm thinking... I'm thinking where my Trip and I...
I lower my head, illogically and however inevitably shameful of what I did at that time, of my flimsy behavior, giving Sim the... the grace of a kiss of mine, as my Ashayam would say, before I did this with my Bond-Mate, betraying him ahead of time, thinking a kiss... or... something else... could pay Sim back for what he was about to do.
Thinking it could be licit for a woman to trade herself - a bit or a lot, that doesn't count - for the action of a man.
And, fortunately, Sim was the copy of my T'hai'la, and didn't want to take advantage of the situation, of me, even if in a certain sense he could have had some rights.
I know, now, that there are men - contemptible blackguards, my Ashayam would say - who think the body of a woman can be fair payment for them, to have their favours or to thank them, for these favours. Without the love of this woman. With nothing else but her flesh.
And women exist who think this is not so bad.
Now I know all this, my Trip taught me this, afterward.
But I was ignorant, at that time. I was... confused, I was making my first steps in a territory totally unknown to me, my T'hai'la hadn't already educated me in love things.
And then I didn't have all faults...
But which faults, for... for Surak's sake!?! It's illogical and stupid that I had to think I must feel guilty, that.. I feel guilty. He, my Trip, hadn't disclosed himself to me, ever, he hadn't ever told me what Sim had, I wasn't already engaged with my T'hai'la at time, and I... I...
But the fact... the fact is that Sim was the copy of my Trip, but... wasn't him. And I wasn't in love with Sim.
Or maybe I was, because I was in love with Trip. So it wasn't wrong that I thought to thank Sim with...
But it's unfair that women use their bodies in this way.
And Sim wasn't Trip, the man I was in love with.
But I was unaware of that, and Sim's confession forced me to watch deeply inside me, so, perhaps I didn't behave wrongly when I kissed him, and..
But I was in love with Trip, even I was hiding my attraction... my feelings... for him, to everyone. Also to him. Even to myself.
So...
I rebuke myself mentally, stopping the absurd carousel of conflicting thoughts which swirl in my brain.
Once again I try to search in logic for the explanations that logic is unable to give. Once again I fell in this trap, but it's very hard not to use the habit and the mental discipline which were my guide, unique and without rivals, during my whole lifespan until...
Until that fatal night.
And the jealousy I decided to ignite inside the man who I wanted to be mine, making flash in his mind the image of... of something which would have happened between me and Sim in order to push my T'hai'la to reveal his attraction for me, the attraction he hadn't ever found the courage to display to me because of my constantly stern and overbearing behaviour...
And it's useless the awareness that this fastidious and austere behaviour was the logical conduct for a Vulcan, because this was the behaviour I used flaunting with him - especially, particularly, above all with him - because I felt miffed, irritated that I wasn't capable of suppressing that strange, new, unknown thing he was arousing inside me, which was forcing me to... to behave like this.
All this, the way I played with the one who would become my Bond-Mate, it makes me feel guilty, it is disturbing, even if my T'hai'la simply laughed amusedly, when I told him what I did and why.
And only in this laugh of his, only in this... Human mood of his, I can find some of the explanations I'm searching for.
I feel warm inside, remembering our talking about all that, while we were basking in each other arms, in the intimacy following one of the marvelous encounters of ours, just after we reverted to being together, when he came back from Columbia, when I wanted him to know this also, about me. That kiss to Sim. My deceitful, surreptitious, fraudulent demeanor of our first night. And the Bond.
But not yet... - I wasn't already ready for that - ... not yet my addiction.
I feel an illogical but pleasant surge of pride, remembering the words Phlox said to me. "Here it is."
I looked perplexed at him, while I was accepting from his hands the medicine my K'diwa should take.
"Well, T'Pol." - There was on his face the most broad of his smiles - "Surely, if I have a good memory of the few of things I was able to learn about that strange stuff, that hearsay, as Vulcans use to call it, that Vulcan Bond..." - His smile became slightly mischievous, at that point, while, at his following words, I was feeling my ears become warm without any possible control on my part. - "You know, from so intimate link between two people in love, that Vulcans prefer not to talk about it... well, if all this is correct, I'm persuaded that no one else except you can take care of Commander Tucker". - His smile got wider, if possible. - "And for certain only you are able to make Commander Tucker take his medicine obviating the enormous deal of fuss he will inevitably make."
I take the medicine in my hands from the medicine cabinet, allowing a small smile - now, that nobody can see - to lighten my face.
Yes, only I can take care of my Bond-Mate.
Pride spurts again inside me, mixed with a sweet joy. My Bond-Mate! The Bond-Mate who belongs only to me, to whom I belong. The Bond-Mate that I, only I, am able to prevent from making the "enormous deal of fuss" that he will, when he will have to "gobble this infamous rubbish." I sense my smile enlarging, as my T'hai'la's colorful sentence comes to mind.
Joy. There was a time I would have felt ashamed for having this feeling, for allowing myself not to repress it, with the severe, strict logic that I believed was capable of explaining all.
But logic is nothing without love. I learned this in the harder way, on my skin, and on the skin of my beloved. And I learned - my beloved taught me - that logic and love are not opposites, that brain and heart must go together, to make life good, true, worthy of being lived.
(*And joy...*)
I pour the right dose of medicine in the water with which I filled the glass.
(*...is nothing we have to be ashamed of, and it is made both with big and small things, as the quiet joy I feel while preparing this medicine for my Ashayam. *)
I commingle well the medicine.
(*As the joy I will feel when I will block my Ashayam from making any fuss, cuddling him sweetly and fondly on my bosom, making it more agreeable for him to... "gobble this infamous rubbish." *)
The medicine's smell tickles my nostrils.
(*E... even if...*)
TERRIBLE!
(*Even if I must admit ...*)
I open wide my eyes, while my nose shivers, harshly assailed by the... the really awful stink of the medicine! And I'm sure this stink doesn't smell so because I'm Vulcan!
(*Even if I must admit he is not altogether wrong!*)
I avert my eyes from the horrid and noisome mush the medicine became, without daring to think about what sort of ingredients Phlox used in order to rig up this "unparalleled invigorator", as he defined it, and, in doing that, I turn around and notice I don't bump into the shower unit, as sometimes happens in my bathroom, when I make some quick and unplanned move.
I look around, the glass in my hand, observing my K'diwa's bathroom. I didn't pay attention to its spaciousness when I brought here the... - I can't help but quiver slightly, stretching out from my body the hand which holds the glass - ... the medicine.
Obviously not too spacious, it would be impossible on a spaceship, but surely it's larger than my bathroom. And the shower unit... it, too, is larger than mine. I think... it can contain two persons comfortably.
I come out of the bathroom and enter my K'diwa's quarters, and I let my eyes go all around, watching with a new and attentive interest.
Our... encounters took place always in my quarters, and I didn't notice how those of my T'hai'la are roomy, more than mine, when we came in them tonight, and surely I didn't pay attention to them when I met Sim here.
This one... this one about Sim is a sudden and unwelcome thought, and even more now, that I'm thinking... I'm thinking where my Trip and I...
I lower my head, illogically and however inevitably shameful of what I did at that time, of my flimsy behavior, giving Sim the... the grace of a kiss of mine, as my Ashayam would say, before I did this with my Bond-Mate, betraying him ahead of time, thinking a kiss... or... something else... could pay Sim back for what he was about to do.
Thinking it could be licit for a woman to trade herself - a bit or a lot, that doesn't count - for the action of a man.
And, fortunately, Sim was the copy of my T'hai'la, and didn't want to take advantage of the situation, of me, even if in a certain sense he could have had some rights.
I know, now, that there are men - contemptible blackguards, my Ashayam would say - who think the body of a woman can be fair payment for them, to have their favours or to thank them, for these favours. Without the love of this woman. With nothing else but her flesh.
And women exist who think this is not so bad.
Now I know all this, my Trip taught me this, afterward.
But I was ignorant, at that time. I was... confused, I was making my first steps in a territory totally unknown to me, my T'hai'la hadn't already educated me in love things.
And then I didn't have all faults...
But which faults, for... for Surak's sake!?! It's illogical and stupid that I had to think I must feel guilty, that.. I feel guilty. He, my Trip, hadn't disclosed himself to me, ever, he hadn't ever told me what Sim had, I wasn't already engaged with my T'hai'la at time, and I... I...
But the fact... the fact is that Sim was the copy of my Trip, but... wasn't him. And I wasn't in love with Sim.
Or maybe I was, because I was in love with Trip. So it wasn't wrong that I thought to thank Sim with...
But it's unfair that women use their bodies in this way.
And Sim wasn't Trip, the man I was in love with.
But I was unaware of that, and Sim's confession forced me to watch deeply inside me, so, perhaps I didn't behave wrongly when I kissed him, and..
But I was in love with Trip, even I was hiding my attraction... my feelings... for him, to everyone. Also to him. Even to myself.
So...
I rebuke myself mentally, stopping the absurd carousel of conflicting thoughts which swirl in my brain.
Once again I try to search in logic for the explanations that logic is unable to give. Once again I fell in this trap, but it's very hard not to use the habit and the mental discipline which were my guide, unique and without rivals, during my whole lifespan until...
Until that fatal night.
And the jealousy I decided to ignite inside the man who I wanted to be mine, making flash in his mind the image of... of something which would have happened between me and Sim in order to push my T'hai'la to reveal his attraction for me, the attraction he hadn't ever found the courage to display to me because of my constantly stern and overbearing behaviour...
And it's useless the awareness that this fastidious and austere behaviour was the logical conduct for a Vulcan, because this was the behaviour I used flaunting with him - especially, particularly, above all with him - because I felt miffed, irritated that I wasn't capable of suppressing that strange, new, unknown thing he was arousing inside me, which was forcing me to... to behave like this.
All this, the way I played with the one who would become my Bond-Mate, it makes me feel guilty, it is disturbing, even if my T'hai'la simply laughed amusedly, when I told him what I did and why.
And only in this laugh of his, only in this... Human mood of his, I can find some of the explanations I'm searching for.
I feel warm inside, remembering our talking about all that, while we were basking in each other arms, in the intimacy following one of the marvelous encounters of ours, just after we reverted to being together, when he came back from Columbia, when I wanted him to know this also, about me. That kiss to Sim. My deceitful, surreptitious, fraudulent demeanor of our first night. And the Bond.
But not yet... - I wasn't already ready for that - ... not yet my addiction.
**********************************************************************
"So, Hon? Do you believe I didn't understand anything? Well, obviously I wasn't able to know anything about that kiss, but about the remainder... ".
**********************************************************************
He had smiled softly.
**********************************************************************
"Women are women, Hon, Human or Vulcan or whatever you want. And when a woman wants something or... someone... "
**********************************************************************
His smile had grown wider on his teasing face.
**********************************************************************
"Nobody and nothing can bar her way."
**********************************************************************
I had raised my eyebrow, trying not to show the piqued huff I felt at his words and at his mocking tone.
The soft chuckle he had burst into, it had made me more baffled and resentful. I was telling him that I had acted unworthily, that I had acted to arouse his jealousy for my aims, that I had tied him to me, indissolubly, by means of the Bond, and without him being able to do anything against that, even if I, myself, wasn't able to imagine that such a thing would happen... I was telling him that I had kissed another man... and he was chortling, he was saying to me he knew! That the Bond wasn't really a... a Big Deal, after all, something we had to be worried about. And he seemed not at all enraged because of that kiss. How was it possible that a man wasn't jealous of another man, if this man had had from the woman of the first man something which only this one had the right to have? A Vulcan man never would behave so, and surely not even a Human man, if what I had learned about these was true.
Unless... unless this Human man wasn't really in love with the woman who had behaved in this way.
He had looked at me tenderly, caressing my cheek.
The soft chuckle he had burst into, it had made me more baffled and resentful. I was telling him that I had acted unworthily, that I had acted to arouse his jealousy for my aims, that I had tied him to me, indissolubly, by means of the Bond, and without him being able to do anything against that, even if I, myself, wasn't able to imagine that such a thing would happen... I was telling him that I had kissed another man... and he was chortling, he was saying to me he knew! That the Bond wasn't really a... a Big Deal, after all, something we had to be worried about. And he seemed not at all enraged because of that kiss. How was it possible that a man wasn't jealous of another man, if this man had had from the woman of the first man something which only this one had the right to have? A Vulcan man never would behave so, and surely not even a Human man, if what I had learned about these was true.
Unless... unless this Human man wasn't really in love with the woman who had behaved in this way.
He had looked at me tenderly, caressing my cheek.
**********************************************************************
"Darlin'... my ingenuous, marvelous, unique Darlin', how can you think the Human male could feel - this Human male, my Treasure - who understood he had the unbelievable fortune to push a Vulcan female, the most wonderful Vulcan female who can exists, to act as you did? For me? For having me?"
**********************************************************************
He had taken my head on his chest. I had closed my eyes relishing blissfully his words' enchantment.
**********************************************************************
"And then, Darlin', what the hell does that kiss mean?"
**********************************************************************
I was dreaming! I was dreaming engulfed in his love!
**********************************************************************
"Not Sim, not my ill-fated copy has you. Not any other man."
**********************************************************************
He had lifted my face between his hands, so that our eyes were face to face.
**********************************************************************
"This man is me, Hon. I have you. With or without the Bond, I HAVE YOU."
**********************************************************************
My T'hai'la had placed again my head on his chest, and was laughing softly, again.
**********************************************************************
"And besides, how could I be jealous of myself?"
**********************************************************************
I shake myself.
Enough, now. These are nothing more than foolish thoughts, useless and illogical, now that all this is passed, that I learned to love my Trip without shame and without fear, that we can stay together, openly and happily, that I'm judging where we can...
"Well, what do you think, Darlin'? Could it be good?"
I perceive perfectly the deep affection through the teasing tone with which my incorrigible Bond-Mate addresses to me, fully aware of the reasons for my careful examination of the room.
I act like I didn't hear, and I continue my going-over, still holding the medicine glass with my hand well away from my nose, walking slowly all around, under the amused look of my T'hai'la, observing every detail, until I halt in front of the bed.
I observe it watchfully for many instants, until my Ashayam's voice calls me again from behind me, still amused, yes, but also a little bit impatient, I sense it.
"So?"
I turn slowly and watch him quietly, as quietly I speak, designedly and precisely, with my usual Vulcan conciseness and formality. "Our new status demands we share quarters permanently. Yours are more spacious than mine, so logic requires it's me who has to transfer and this I will do immediately. My personal belonging will follow soon."
He looks at me amused, his eyebrow raised once more, and he talks, mimicking my speech. "Very well, Commander T'Pol, your logic is irrefutable, as always." Then, aware and bantering... "But it seems from your expression you are not altogether satisfied."
I look at him severely. "And it seems you are really skillful at reading my expression."
He flinches. "Well, Commander T'Pol. I have a very long and personal experience."
I sigh, almost unconsciously, and I follow him in his Human... Trippical mood. "Your experience doesn't deceive you, Commander Tucker."
He blinks. "What bothers you..." - He softens, and calls me again with his, and my, preferred appellative for me. - "... Hon?"
I, too, soften. "Trip. I think most likely the bed is..."
"Too small?
I lift deadpan my eyebrow. "Exactly.
He laughs, sonorously. Then, still chortling... "Do you think, Hon, this is really of such importance?"
I raise my eyebrow a little yet and reply calmly. "To all intents and purposes, no."
He closes his mouth abruptly, his laugh deadening swiftly in his throat, which - I can't deny it - gives me a certain amount of satisfaction.
Then he levels a look at me ... a look which stirs something deep, strong, powerful, inside me.
"Hon..." - His voice resounds harsh and strange. - "Hon... earlier, in the Captain's quarters... when we were joking... you said... you said..."
I don't need any explanation of what my T'hai'la is alluding to. "That I'm capable of doing much better than giving you a quick and light kiss for heightening your... efficiency?"
"Y... yes."
Frankly, I must admit that I'm getting a very satisfactory pleasure from the course taken by our conversation, from the way I'm managing it, but...
(*But I cannot ignore the heat which started to overheat my blood, the... the arousal which suddenly I feel inside me. This desirous languor which always, constantly, inevitably, my Ashayam is capable of stirring in my body and in my heart. *)
I start to walk slowly toward him, my eyes not leaving his, purposely pushing ahead my pelvis, rocking my hips sensually, the glass in my hand as it were some kind of fleshly, symbolic, aphrodisiac drink.
There's no way. Our relationship is unique, it's true. But I'm a Vulcan female, and I can't escape being triggered by my Mate's desires. And I am happy that things are so.
And I don't know if they are his... or my... desires.
I halt in front of him.
Our eyes don't leave one another.
My breath is harsh.
I place the glass on the small table near him.
I sit on his lap, encircling his neck with my arms, dragging his face toward mine.
I sigh on his visage, my voice fluty and wheedling and enticing, the way only he is able to hear. "Do you doubt I'm capable of doing it?"
Then I look intentionally at his lips, greedy for them, and I lower my mouth on his mouth.
I kiss him, possessively and avidly.
My tongue explores his mouth, scours its inner ravines, its hidden meanders, plays lustfully with his tongue.
I suck his life and his strength with my lips, I nourish myself with him.
His hands go down under my trousers, they grip my buttocks, grasp my nude flesh burning now with craving, press me tightly against his body.
I feel his desire grow tangibly... palpably... beneath me.
My body reacts to his wishes, gets fervent with his caresses.
I bite his lips, I moan on his mouth, I rub my body languorously and sensually against his.
I feel the warmth of his hands on my trembling flesh.
I quiver.
I sigh.
I shiver under his hands.
I...
I detach myself quickly and rapidly from his red-hot embrace.
I try to talk against his mouth, my lips brushing his, my body quivering with need. "N... n...no!"
He suspires on my mouth. "No?"
I repeat with effort, while pushing away his hands regretfully, with immense difficulty, from my desirous skin and moving away my face from his. "NO!"
He looks at me almost madly, his voice husky and low. "Why?"
"You... you can't..."
"I can."
"Nnnno... you are... you are..."
"I can."
"Please, don't push me, I... can't resist, if you..."
"Then do not resist."
"You're weak, you're recovering..."
"I want you."
"And I want you. Terribly, but..."
"I WANT YOU!"
"I'm yours! I'm yours, T'hai'la, I want to be taken by you! But..."
"I WANT YOU!"
And, at last, I burst out my desire and my concern. "You will able to take me every time you will want, every way you will wish."
I sigh, my lips again on his, my hands stroking fondly his cheeks. "But not now."
I repeat almost lachrymosely on his face. " Not now."
I slowly stand up, between his knees, still staring at his eyes, my hands still caressing his face. "You are my master and my beloved, my ashal-veh, you will be able to take pleasure from me, to give pleasure to me every time you want to do it, in any way you want to do it, at any time, but... please..." I'm pleading, I recognize it. "...please, take care of yourself! Don't..." I can feel the deep concern in my voice. « ... Don't allow me to cede to my pining for you! Not now. Not before you recover fully. We will have time."
I gaze at him pointedly and lovingly, holding his beautiful face between my hands, his blue eyes raised attentively to mine. I whisper. "We will have all the time we will want, T'hai'la, all. You and I..." - My gaze gets stronger, as do my words. - "You and I are... a couple, now. Veritable and licit. A couple, Trip. You and I."
I see him swallow, as if digesting the meaning of my words, a meaning which I, too, have trouble fully comprehending. I struggled within, stubbornly and foolishly, for such a long time before I became capable of following my heart. Then Destiny went unrelenting against us, I almost lost him, just when I understood there was nothing to do other than sharing our lives, after we lost, for the second time, a son. And now... we are a couple, finally, and I, just I, the woman who made him suffer so much and without reason, I... am saying to him... that we are a veritable and licit couple, free to live openly ... our love.
I lower myself a little upon him, and I repeat slowly and meaningfully my phrase. "A couple, Trip. You and I."
My Ashayam remains silent for some instants, his eyelids slightly lowered. And, under them, his eyes shine.
Shine, shine.
SHINE!
Then he brings his hands to take mine, which are still holding his face, and he speaks fondly and sweetly. Lowly, lowly, lowly. "We have time, Hon."
I feel it. I can't help. My lips are bending up. Inexorably. I'm smiling.
And he, my... damned Ashayam, doesn't lose the occasion. He sneers. "Well, Darlin'. Maybe the wait will be long."
I let go his face and straighten, raising my eyebrow. "You mean?"
He coughs, purposely, bringing his hand to his chest. "'Cough, cough'... Oh, I feel so weak! 'Cough'. I think I need a great deal of... coddles. You know how Human males are made. How I am made."
I lift my eyebrow a little bit yet. "Coddles?"
"Yes."
"From me?"
He chuckles. "Yes."
I'm unable not to repeat. "Coddles."
"Yes, Darlin'."
"From me."
"Yes, Darlin'. They could be very useful."
My other eyebrow joins the first in its raising. "Useful?"
He laughs openly, now. "Yes, Hon. I'm sure they can give me a very big hand to speed up my strength's recovery, so that... " - He winks, roguishly. - "... Well! You know what I mean."
I nod, understanding. "I see."
"So, Darlin', why don't you..."
I interrupt him, his mood reverberating inside me. I remember how I felt annoyed when I surprised myself joking, the time we were talking to the Captain, to the Doctor and to Malcolm, at the end of the adventure with the so called Orion Slaves, before I kissed my T'hai'la in the corridor. Now I don't feel annoyed anymore, on the contrary I find this... pleasant.
"Trip, I won't shirk my Bond-Mate duties toward you. If you think my... coddles... can help you, I will do them willingly. But..." - Yes, it's very pleasant. - "... there's also another way, very helpful."
Yes. It's very pleasant to see his suspicious look, he is understanding very well that something is hidden in my words. He asks, uncertain. "Another way?"
I speak, seriously, but I can't conceal totally the tease of my tone. "The Doctor told me that your medicine is prodigious in order to make you recover swiftly. You know, Phlox doesn't speak inanely, when he talks about medicines."
I pause briefly, so that my subsequent words can acquire more force. "He told me that every time you drink your medicine, you gain a whole recovery week."
Oh yes. It's very pleasant. My childlike Ashayam opens a little his mouth, as in point to speak. Then he closes it brusquely. He squints, the same way he did when I was ensnaring him the night I seduced him. And also now, he falls in my trap.
Without his eyes leaving mine, he stretches out his hand to grasp the glass on the small table and brings it to his lips.
He suppresses the repulsion grimace which appears suddenly on his face when his nose perceives the horrendous odour which exhales from the glass, then... he knocks back the fetid mixture. All in one go.
I observe attentively the face my T'hai'la makes right after he gulped down his medicine. I have to remember this face when, some day, someone among the Vulcans could ask me why I wanted to stay on a Human ship, what interest I found in this race. I won't be lying if I answer that one of the causes has been the Human capability to make so strange and unrepeatable expressions, the wonder of their facial mimic. Well, obviously I won't go down in all the details, that's for sure. I won't reveal that the Human most capable of astounding me about this peculiar matter is the Human I fell in love with.
He looks at me with weeping eyes and speaks among sputtering and coughing, in the meantime placing the empty glass on the table. "O... 'cough, cough' ... oookkay? Are you content?"
I return his look with a stern expression. I talk solemnly. "I think you deserve some coddles from me."
Enough, now. These are nothing more than foolish thoughts, useless and illogical, now that all this is passed, that I learned to love my Trip without shame and without fear, that we can stay together, openly and happily, that I'm judging where we can...
"Well, what do you think, Darlin'? Could it be good?"
I perceive perfectly the deep affection through the teasing tone with which my incorrigible Bond-Mate addresses to me, fully aware of the reasons for my careful examination of the room.
I act like I didn't hear, and I continue my going-over, still holding the medicine glass with my hand well away from my nose, walking slowly all around, under the amused look of my T'hai'la, observing every detail, until I halt in front of the bed.
I observe it watchfully for many instants, until my Ashayam's voice calls me again from behind me, still amused, yes, but also a little bit impatient, I sense it.
"So?"
I turn slowly and watch him quietly, as quietly I speak, designedly and precisely, with my usual Vulcan conciseness and formality. "Our new status demands we share quarters permanently. Yours are more spacious than mine, so logic requires it's me who has to transfer and this I will do immediately. My personal belonging will follow soon."
He looks at me amused, his eyebrow raised once more, and he talks, mimicking my speech. "Very well, Commander T'Pol, your logic is irrefutable, as always." Then, aware and bantering... "But it seems from your expression you are not altogether satisfied."
I look at him severely. "And it seems you are really skillful at reading my expression."
He flinches. "Well, Commander T'Pol. I have a very long and personal experience."
I sigh, almost unconsciously, and I follow him in his Human... Trippical mood. "Your experience doesn't deceive you, Commander Tucker."
He blinks. "What bothers you..." - He softens, and calls me again with his, and my, preferred appellative for me. - "... Hon?"
I, too, soften. "Trip. I think most likely the bed is..."
"Too small?
I lift deadpan my eyebrow. "Exactly.
He laughs, sonorously. Then, still chortling... "Do you think, Hon, this is really of such importance?"
I raise my eyebrow a little yet and reply calmly. "To all intents and purposes, no."
He closes his mouth abruptly, his laugh deadening swiftly in his throat, which - I can't deny it - gives me a certain amount of satisfaction.
Then he levels a look at me ... a look which stirs something deep, strong, powerful, inside me.
"Hon..." - His voice resounds harsh and strange. - "Hon... earlier, in the Captain's quarters... when we were joking... you said... you said..."
I don't need any explanation of what my T'hai'la is alluding to. "That I'm capable of doing much better than giving you a quick and light kiss for heightening your... efficiency?"
"Y... yes."
Frankly, I must admit that I'm getting a very satisfactory pleasure from the course taken by our conversation, from the way I'm managing it, but...
(*But I cannot ignore the heat which started to overheat my blood, the... the arousal which suddenly I feel inside me. This desirous languor which always, constantly, inevitably, my Ashayam is capable of stirring in my body and in my heart. *)
I start to walk slowly toward him, my eyes not leaving his, purposely pushing ahead my pelvis, rocking my hips sensually, the glass in my hand as it were some kind of fleshly, symbolic, aphrodisiac drink.
There's no way. Our relationship is unique, it's true. But I'm a Vulcan female, and I can't escape being triggered by my Mate's desires. And I am happy that things are so.
And I don't know if they are his... or my... desires.
I halt in front of him.
Our eyes don't leave one another.
My breath is harsh.
I place the glass on the small table near him.
I sit on his lap, encircling his neck with my arms, dragging his face toward mine.
I sigh on his visage, my voice fluty and wheedling and enticing, the way only he is able to hear. "Do you doubt I'm capable of doing it?"
Then I look intentionally at his lips, greedy for them, and I lower my mouth on his mouth.
I kiss him, possessively and avidly.
My tongue explores his mouth, scours its inner ravines, its hidden meanders, plays lustfully with his tongue.
I suck his life and his strength with my lips, I nourish myself with him.
His hands go down under my trousers, they grip my buttocks, grasp my nude flesh burning now with craving, press me tightly against his body.
I feel his desire grow tangibly... palpably... beneath me.
My body reacts to his wishes, gets fervent with his caresses.
I bite his lips, I moan on his mouth, I rub my body languorously and sensually against his.
I feel the warmth of his hands on my trembling flesh.
I quiver.
I sigh.
I shiver under his hands.
I...
I detach myself quickly and rapidly from his red-hot embrace.
I try to talk against his mouth, my lips brushing his, my body quivering with need. "N... n...no!"
He suspires on my mouth. "No?"
I repeat with effort, while pushing away his hands regretfully, with immense difficulty, from my desirous skin and moving away my face from his. "NO!"
He looks at me almost madly, his voice husky and low. "Why?"
"You... you can't..."
"I can."
"Nnnno... you are... you are..."
"I can."
"Please, don't push me, I... can't resist, if you..."
"Then do not resist."
"You're weak, you're recovering..."
"I want you."
"And I want you. Terribly, but..."
"I WANT YOU!"
"I'm yours! I'm yours, T'hai'la, I want to be taken by you! But..."
"I WANT YOU!"
And, at last, I burst out my desire and my concern. "You will able to take me every time you will want, every way you will wish."
I sigh, my lips again on his, my hands stroking fondly his cheeks. "But not now."
I repeat almost lachrymosely on his face. " Not now."
I slowly stand up, between his knees, still staring at his eyes, my hands still caressing his face. "You are my master and my beloved, my ashal-veh, you will be able to take pleasure from me, to give pleasure to me every time you want to do it, in any way you want to do it, at any time, but... please..." I'm pleading, I recognize it. "...please, take care of yourself! Don't..." I can feel the deep concern in my voice. « ... Don't allow me to cede to my pining for you! Not now. Not before you recover fully. We will have time."
I gaze at him pointedly and lovingly, holding his beautiful face between my hands, his blue eyes raised attentively to mine. I whisper. "We will have all the time we will want, T'hai'la, all. You and I..." - My gaze gets stronger, as do my words. - "You and I are... a couple, now. Veritable and licit. A couple, Trip. You and I."
I see him swallow, as if digesting the meaning of my words, a meaning which I, too, have trouble fully comprehending. I struggled within, stubbornly and foolishly, for such a long time before I became capable of following my heart. Then Destiny went unrelenting against us, I almost lost him, just when I understood there was nothing to do other than sharing our lives, after we lost, for the second time, a son. And now... we are a couple, finally, and I, just I, the woman who made him suffer so much and without reason, I... am saying to him... that we are a veritable and licit couple, free to live openly ... our love.
I lower myself a little upon him, and I repeat slowly and meaningfully my phrase. "A couple, Trip. You and I."
My Ashayam remains silent for some instants, his eyelids slightly lowered. And, under them, his eyes shine.
Shine, shine.
SHINE!
Then he brings his hands to take mine, which are still holding his face, and he speaks fondly and sweetly. Lowly, lowly, lowly. "We have time, Hon."
I feel it. I can't help. My lips are bending up. Inexorably. I'm smiling.
And he, my... damned Ashayam, doesn't lose the occasion. He sneers. "Well, Darlin'. Maybe the wait will be long."
I let go his face and straighten, raising my eyebrow. "You mean?"
He coughs, purposely, bringing his hand to his chest. "'Cough, cough'... Oh, I feel so weak! 'Cough'. I think I need a great deal of... coddles. You know how Human males are made. How I am made."
I lift my eyebrow a little bit yet. "Coddles?"
"Yes."
"From me?"
He chuckles. "Yes."
I'm unable not to repeat. "Coddles."
"Yes, Darlin'."
"From me."
"Yes, Darlin'. They could be very useful."
My other eyebrow joins the first in its raising. "Useful?"
He laughs openly, now. "Yes, Hon. I'm sure they can give me a very big hand to speed up my strength's recovery, so that... " - He winks, roguishly. - "... Well! You know what I mean."
I nod, understanding. "I see."
"So, Darlin', why don't you..."
I interrupt him, his mood reverberating inside me. I remember how I felt annoyed when I surprised myself joking, the time we were talking to the Captain, to the Doctor and to Malcolm, at the end of the adventure with the so called Orion Slaves, before I kissed my T'hai'la in the corridor. Now I don't feel annoyed anymore, on the contrary I find this... pleasant.
"Trip, I won't shirk my Bond-Mate duties toward you. If you think my... coddles... can help you, I will do them willingly. But..." - Yes, it's very pleasant. - "... there's also another way, very helpful."
Yes. It's very pleasant to see his suspicious look, he is understanding very well that something is hidden in my words. He asks, uncertain. "Another way?"
I speak, seriously, but I can't conceal totally the tease of my tone. "The Doctor told me that your medicine is prodigious in order to make you recover swiftly. You know, Phlox doesn't speak inanely, when he talks about medicines."
I pause briefly, so that my subsequent words can acquire more force. "He told me that every time you drink your medicine, you gain a whole recovery week."
Oh yes. It's very pleasant. My childlike Ashayam opens a little his mouth, as in point to speak. Then he closes it brusquely. He squints, the same way he did when I was ensnaring him the night I seduced him. And also now, he falls in my trap.
Without his eyes leaving mine, he stretches out his hand to grasp the glass on the small table and brings it to his lips.
He suppresses the repulsion grimace which appears suddenly on his face when his nose perceives the horrendous odour which exhales from the glass, then... he knocks back the fetid mixture. All in one go.
I observe attentively the face my T'hai'la makes right after he gulped down his medicine. I have to remember this face when, some day, someone among the Vulcans could ask me why I wanted to stay on a Human ship, what interest I found in this race. I won't be lying if I answer that one of the causes has been the Human capability to make so strange and unrepeatable expressions, the wonder of their facial mimic. Well, obviously I won't go down in all the details, that's for sure. I won't reveal that the Human most capable of astounding me about this peculiar matter is the Human I fell in love with.
He looks at me with weeping eyes and speaks among sputtering and coughing, in the meantime placing the empty glass on the table. "O... 'cough, cough' ... oookkay? Are you content?"
I return his look with a stern expression. I talk solemnly. "I think you deserve some coddles from me."
Night advances - Sickbay
******
I enter the sickbay as a refuge. My wounded dignity needs the reassuring protection of my personal Enterprise-Home.
The Captain pulled my leg, as Commander Tucker would say. And I was able to do nothing else than to take punches. Still as the Commander would express himself.
Damn! Damn, yes! How contagious is he! Poor T'Pol. If Commander Trip had no hope against her, it's sure that our strong First Officer had no defence against his own challenging Human mood.
I sit on one of the beds, letting my leg dangling down.
But then... what am I complaining about?
The calm of my sickbay appeases me.
My sickbay. Yes. That's it. And now I know that it will be that yet.
My sickbay. I lived here, as my house, looking after the... family... I found on Enterprise.
I cared for this family, here.
I observed all things, from here.
And, above all, I observed the surmounting love between two people who, slowly and with difficultly, fighting and struggling, step by step, little by little, learned to recognize their feelings, their love, to care for one other, to understand one other, and began to build the first bridge between different and distant worlds.
I stand up, pensive, and start to pace the floor slowly, the way it became my manner, this night, the way I learned from Humans, from Commander Tucker. From... the Captain.
The Captain.
I observed also him, from my sickbay, I observed the man who he had been and who he had became.
The shadow of the man who threw Enterprise into space, who enjoyed his friends' closeness. The closeness of his best friend.
I observed his personality adjustment, his sore transformation since the Expanse.
And I knew the cause of this changeover.
I reach my little zoo, searching among it for some kind of... complicity.
He. She. The other.
Andorians, Klingons, Tellarites. Denobulans, like me. Romulans too, I believe. And Humans, obviously. And... Vulcans. Why not?
And, even if this could sound incredible, all events, the story's flow itself, on any world, in any race, proceed from things like these.
He. She. The other. The eternal triangle. And sometimes the other is nothing else than a ghost, unknown to this "He" and to this "She", but this ghost can be disruptive, to such an extent that this "He" and this "She" can be dissolved in the blind rage of this ghost.
And the Captain had became this sort of ghost.
And I, who first recognized what was happening between the two Commanders and attempted to facilitate this new love, because it was new in the whole universe, promissory for something high and important not only for Earth and Vulcan ... I felt the awful fear that the sombre man, the ghost, the Captain became, would destroy this shining love. This promise for a better understanding between the races of different worlds .
Destroying himself, too.
And Malcolm and Hoshi, now I know.
And Enterprise, and all it symbolizes.
Our... family.
My... sickbay.
Me.
My zoo is silent, as if my little companions were following my thoughts.
I lift my head, reflecting pensively... in wonder... over this Human mood which so frequently occurred to my mind this night.
In wonder, yes, because this Human mood was capable of dispelling the shadows, of regaining the Captain of the past.
I don't deceive myself.
If this Human mood and what it means and drags inside is so powerful that it was able to shatter the shields of a Vulcan female, of T'Pol, to conquer her so totally and hopelessly...
If it is so strong and intense that this race, new and novel in the space scenario, this Human race is gaining so rapidly and so unstoppably the limelight, even among all its uncertainties, all its incomprehensible barbarities mixed with the highest motivations...
If it is all this, then there's no doubt that, in this Human mood, a Human man can lose himself, but can also find the force to retrieve himself, to cancel his passed errors, or, better, to face them, and to be capable of living again, free and unbroken and fierce, when Denobulans and Tellarites and Andorians and Klingons and Vulcans - yes, they too - would be undone.
And I believe that Romulans have to think seriously about these Humans, before they defy them, if the rumors are true about something which is happening underground.
Yes, Romulans have to think seriously about this Human mood.
(*Because...*)
I resume, still engrossed in my thoughts, what I was about to do before the frenzy took me to talk to the Captain.
(*Because...*)
I begin to feed the little friends of my zoo.
(*Because this Human mood mustn't be taken lightly, mustn't be underestimated. *)
This Human mood is a weapon more powerful than the one of the Xindi. It has an immense value.
The Captain pulled my leg, as Commander Tucker would say. And I was able to do nothing else than to take punches. Still as the Commander would express himself.
Damn! Damn, yes! How contagious is he! Poor T'Pol. If Commander Trip had no hope against her, it's sure that our strong First Officer had no defence against his own challenging Human mood.
I sit on one of the beds, letting my leg dangling down.
But then... what am I complaining about?
The calm of my sickbay appeases me.
My sickbay. Yes. That's it. And now I know that it will be that yet.
My sickbay. I lived here, as my house, looking after the... family... I found on Enterprise.
I cared for this family, here.
I observed all things, from here.
And, above all, I observed the surmounting love between two people who, slowly and with difficultly, fighting and struggling, step by step, little by little, learned to recognize their feelings, their love, to care for one other, to understand one other, and began to build the first bridge between different and distant worlds.
I stand up, pensive, and start to pace the floor slowly, the way it became my manner, this night, the way I learned from Humans, from Commander Tucker. From... the Captain.
The Captain.
I observed also him, from my sickbay, I observed the man who he had been and who he had became.
The shadow of the man who threw Enterprise into space, who enjoyed his friends' closeness. The closeness of his best friend.
I observed his personality adjustment, his sore transformation since the Expanse.
And I knew the cause of this changeover.
I reach my little zoo, searching among it for some kind of... complicity.
He. She. The other.
Andorians, Klingons, Tellarites. Denobulans, like me. Romulans too, I believe. And Humans, obviously. And... Vulcans. Why not?
And, even if this could sound incredible, all events, the story's flow itself, on any world, in any race, proceed from things like these.
He. She. The other. The eternal triangle. And sometimes the other is nothing else than a ghost, unknown to this "He" and to this "She", but this ghost can be disruptive, to such an extent that this "He" and this "She" can be dissolved in the blind rage of this ghost.
And the Captain had became this sort of ghost.
And I, who first recognized what was happening between the two Commanders and attempted to facilitate this new love, because it was new in the whole universe, promissory for something high and important not only for Earth and Vulcan ... I felt the awful fear that the sombre man, the ghost, the Captain became, would destroy this shining love. This promise for a better understanding between the races of different worlds .
Destroying himself, too.
And Malcolm and Hoshi, now I know.
And Enterprise, and all it symbolizes.
Our... family.
My... sickbay.
Me.
My zoo is silent, as if my little companions were following my thoughts.
I lift my head, reflecting pensively... in wonder... over this Human mood which so frequently occurred to my mind this night.
In wonder, yes, because this Human mood was capable of dispelling the shadows, of regaining the Captain of the past.
I don't deceive myself.
If this Human mood and what it means and drags inside is so powerful that it was able to shatter the shields of a Vulcan female, of T'Pol, to conquer her so totally and hopelessly...
If it is so strong and intense that this race, new and novel in the space scenario, this Human race is gaining so rapidly and so unstoppably the limelight, even among all its uncertainties, all its incomprehensible barbarities mixed with the highest motivations...
If it is all this, then there's no doubt that, in this Human mood, a Human man can lose himself, but can also find the force to retrieve himself, to cancel his passed errors, or, better, to face them, and to be capable of living again, free and unbroken and fierce, when Denobulans and Tellarites and Andorians and Klingons and Vulcans - yes, they too - would be undone.
And I believe that Romulans have to think seriously about these Humans, before they defy them, if the rumors are true about something which is happening underground.
Yes, Romulans have to think seriously about this Human mood.
(*Because...*)
I resume, still engrossed in my thoughts, what I was about to do before the frenzy took me to talk to the Captain.
(*Because...*)
I begin to feed the little friends of my zoo.
(*Because this Human mood mustn't be taken lightly, mustn't be underestimated. *)
This Human mood is a weapon more powerful than the one of the Xindi. It has an immense value.
Night advances a little more yet - Tucker Quarters
******
I think it's better no other Vulcan female besides me knows what it means to make "coddles" to her own mate. It might be disruptive for our race.
The iron self-control of Vulcan women could be destroyed, if they were indulging in kissing softly and tenderly the whole visage of their mates, as I did with mine. Not to mention the self-control of their mates.
I think Vulcan males could see their strength dissolve, if they were mildly caressed by their women's hands on their ears, on their eyelids, on their noses, on their lips, on their chests, on their arms, as I did with my Human man. Not to mention what might happen to the strength of the Vulcan women who were doing this to their mates.
I don't dare to think of what could occur to the Vulcan males whose hair were so sweetly stroked by their Vulcan women the way I stroked my Mate's hair, while brushing his lips with my lips, while rubbing his nose's tip with mine, while snuggling on his chest. Not to mention what might occur to the Vulcan women who were daring to do all this.
And all this without sex, without any other wish than the unspeakable desire to lunge into tenderness, into softness, into the delight to dandle each other.
No. My people are unready for all this.
But I am.
I'm ready for all this.
I'm ready for distilling from emotions the amazing sensations emotions can give, without being overwhelmed by them.
I'm ready for relishing, for basking in, for melting in these emotions, which can destroy, but also make sublime a race, a man.
A woman.
Like me.
I'm ready, I can taste them.
I can. And want to.
Because I have him.
I don't know if the fate Humans believe in is a concept which can stay together with the logic which is the sole guide for Vulcans, but surely, if it exists, it was benign with me. It gave me this gift, the love and the devotion of this man, of my Trip, it permitted this Bond between us, bringing to me the peerless joy of having all this, to savour fully and safely love and emotions and everything these mean, like no other Vulcan woman has.
No other, except me.
So, I'm snuggling on his lap, my legs cowered under my bum, my arms on his shoulders, my lips sweetly nuzzling his neck.
So, I'm trying to make him perceive all the love, all the tenderness he inspires in me, I feel for him, with my caresses, with my kisses, my... coddles.
And so, I'm melting down under his coddles, mildly dying by the way he's nibbling the tips of my ears, softly stroking my earlobes, holding me tightly to him, the light touch of his mouth on my neck, on my jaw, on my chin, on my eyelids.
So, in this way, throbbing, soughing lowly, I'm fading away in this consuming love dream, until his voice - tender, fond, loving, gently kidding - awakes me. "Do you know, my honeyed bon-bon, that it's possible that people pass away because of coddles?"
I have not even the force to react to this new appellative he just coined for me. I can only hide my face dreamily in his neck, my lips hardly opening to reply to him, while softly caressing his skin. "I didn't know, but I have no difficulty to believe it can be true."
I feel his chest vibrate against me, his mild laugh fondling my ears. "Well" - he repeats - "my honeyed bon-bon, I think tonight, between the medicine and your coddles, I gained at least six months recovery." He chuckles softly again. "Enough, now. Too much breaks the bag, and I'm tired, now." He presses my head on his neck, his hand ruffling lovingly my hair. "Your logic didn't fail, Hon, as always, and... I'm afraid that too many of your coddles might bring about contrary results."
I nod at his skin, and, trying to disentangle myself from his arms, I make as if to stand up, in the meantime I talk. "I will help you to go to bed."
He stops me, holding me by my wrist, keeping me while I'm half-standing.
He locks his eyes with mine. "Hon, I don't want to go to bed, I prefer to stay here, in this armchair. I'm too weak at this moment for making the slightest move. And I'm comfortable, here, especially... " - The blue of his eyes seems to enfold me. - "... especially if you want to carry on your coddles, while I sleep. With... " - It's all blue, around me. - "... with you in my arms on my chest."
I nod, again. I can't do anything else. I cannot attempt to speak or even to lift my eyebrow. If I were trying to make the smallest expression or the smallest word, I could burst into tears, tears of joy, as Human females are often used to doing in circumstances like these, and it wouldn't be dignified. I can't display so totally to him the power he has over me. I have to preserve some kind of Vulcan decorum, for... for Logic's sake!
But any sham is futile. He knows it, as well as me.
I sit down slowly on his legs, regaining my cowered position, and I slide my right shoulder on his chest, lying my face and my hands upon it, without talking, breathing softly, my eyes well widened, as in a daze.
I feel his arms embrace me, his breathing under my ear, I hear his heartbeat on my temple.
Little by little his breath grows faint, quiet, regular, until he falls into sleep.
His heart beats placidly and comforting to my ear.
His chest moves peaceful and calm under my hands.
I close my eyes, and, cradled in the heat of his arms, in the stillness of the night, I allow myself to smile, broadly and frankly.
From now on it will be so. I will fall asleep in my T'hai'la's arms and will wake up in them. I will fall asleep with my head on his chest and will wake up so. His breath will cradle my slumber and his heartbeat will mark my night, and when, in the dark, my feet will be cold, they will look for the crooks of his knees and in them they will limber up.
I won't be cold any more, he will heat me always. The warmth of his heart, of his soul will permeate me forever. The blaze of his Human mood will enshroud me with the uniqueness and the ardency of his love.
Sleep advances upon me. I cede to it, slowly, joining together with my Ashayam, basking blissfully in his marvellous Human mood.
The iron self-control of Vulcan women could be destroyed, if they were indulging in kissing softly and tenderly the whole visage of their mates, as I did with mine. Not to mention the self-control of their mates.
I think Vulcan males could see their strength dissolve, if they were mildly caressed by their women's hands on their ears, on their eyelids, on their noses, on their lips, on their chests, on their arms, as I did with my Human man. Not to mention what might happen to the strength of the Vulcan women who were doing this to their mates.
I don't dare to think of what could occur to the Vulcan males whose hair were so sweetly stroked by their Vulcan women the way I stroked my Mate's hair, while brushing his lips with my lips, while rubbing his nose's tip with mine, while snuggling on his chest. Not to mention what might occur to the Vulcan women who were daring to do all this.
And all this without sex, without any other wish than the unspeakable desire to lunge into tenderness, into softness, into the delight to dandle each other.
No. My people are unready for all this.
But I am.
I'm ready for all this.
I'm ready for distilling from emotions the amazing sensations emotions can give, without being overwhelmed by them.
I'm ready for relishing, for basking in, for melting in these emotions, which can destroy, but also make sublime a race, a man.
A woman.
Like me.
I'm ready, I can taste them.
I can. And want to.
Because I have him.
I don't know if the fate Humans believe in is a concept which can stay together with the logic which is the sole guide for Vulcans, but surely, if it exists, it was benign with me. It gave me this gift, the love and the devotion of this man, of my Trip, it permitted this Bond between us, bringing to me the peerless joy of having all this, to savour fully and safely love and emotions and everything these mean, like no other Vulcan woman has.
No other, except me.
So, I'm snuggling on his lap, my legs cowered under my bum, my arms on his shoulders, my lips sweetly nuzzling his neck.
So, I'm trying to make him perceive all the love, all the tenderness he inspires in me, I feel for him, with my caresses, with my kisses, my... coddles.
And so, I'm melting down under his coddles, mildly dying by the way he's nibbling the tips of my ears, softly stroking my earlobes, holding me tightly to him, the light touch of his mouth on my neck, on my jaw, on my chin, on my eyelids.
So, in this way, throbbing, soughing lowly, I'm fading away in this consuming love dream, until his voice - tender, fond, loving, gently kidding - awakes me. "Do you know, my honeyed bon-bon, that it's possible that people pass away because of coddles?"
I have not even the force to react to this new appellative he just coined for me. I can only hide my face dreamily in his neck, my lips hardly opening to reply to him, while softly caressing his skin. "I didn't know, but I have no difficulty to believe it can be true."
I feel his chest vibrate against me, his mild laugh fondling my ears. "Well" - he repeats - "my honeyed bon-bon, I think tonight, between the medicine and your coddles, I gained at least six months recovery." He chuckles softly again. "Enough, now. Too much breaks the bag, and I'm tired, now." He presses my head on his neck, his hand ruffling lovingly my hair. "Your logic didn't fail, Hon, as always, and... I'm afraid that too many of your coddles might bring about contrary results."
I nod at his skin, and, trying to disentangle myself from his arms, I make as if to stand up, in the meantime I talk. "I will help you to go to bed."
He stops me, holding me by my wrist, keeping me while I'm half-standing.
He locks his eyes with mine. "Hon, I don't want to go to bed, I prefer to stay here, in this armchair. I'm too weak at this moment for making the slightest move. And I'm comfortable, here, especially... " - The blue of his eyes seems to enfold me. - "... especially if you want to carry on your coddles, while I sleep. With... " - It's all blue, around me. - "... with you in my arms on my chest."
I nod, again. I can't do anything else. I cannot attempt to speak or even to lift my eyebrow. If I were trying to make the smallest expression or the smallest word, I could burst into tears, tears of joy, as Human females are often used to doing in circumstances like these, and it wouldn't be dignified. I can't display so totally to him the power he has over me. I have to preserve some kind of Vulcan decorum, for... for Logic's sake!
But any sham is futile. He knows it, as well as me.
I sit down slowly on his legs, regaining my cowered position, and I slide my right shoulder on his chest, lying my face and my hands upon it, without talking, breathing softly, my eyes well widened, as in a daze.
I feel his arms embrace me, his breathing under my ear, I hear his heartbeat on my temple.
Little by little his breath grows faint, quiet, regular, until he falls into sleep.
His heart beats placidly and comforting to my ear.
His chest moves peaceful and calm under my hands.
I close my eyes, and, cradled in the heat of his arms, in the stillness of the night, I allow myself to smile, broadly and frankly.
From now on it will be so. I will fall asleep in my T'hai'la's arms and will wake up in them. I will fall asleep with my head on his chest and will wake up so. His breath will cradle my slumber and his heartbeat will mark my night, and when, in the dark, my feet will be cold, they will look for the crooks of his knees and in them they will limber up.
I won't be cold any more, he will heat me always. The warmth of his heart, of his soul will permeate me forever. The blaze of his Human mood will enshroud me with the uniqueness and the ardency of his love.
Sleep advances upon me. I cede to it, slowly, joining together with my Ashayam, basking blissfully in his marvellous Human mood.
End of the third chapter of the first part.
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I'm sorry, my friends. This time I am not able to add anything in shape of comment or explanation.
And how could I?
These images, below, - True, my friends! True! Real! Believe me! There are things about which not even an inveterate liar like me can lie! - are the only thing that can still be shown as a gloss to this chapter.
And how could I?
These images, below, - True, my friends! True! Real! Believe me! There are things about which not even an inveterate liar like me can lie! - are the only thing that can still be shown as a gloss to this chapter.
Cuddling up, this way
Falling asleep, this way
Into your arms
On your chest
Every night of every day for a lifetime
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And whether you want to believe me or not, their captions are been written by the own hand of my ancestor and have been suggested him by T'Pol in person.
Or so he says.
And why ever shouldn't we believe him?
Or so he says.
And why ever shouldn't we believe him?
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We're almost at the end of the first part, but there is still something to say, my friends, indeed there is much more to say.
In the next chapter, the last of the first part. Here it is. I guess you by now know well what to do. Click on the image and the chapter will appear. By jove! Before, Malcolm and Hoshi, and, now, Phlox, surrounded by his gizmos! And with that so pensive and bewildered expression! Let's go to see, you guys! Let's go to see! |
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COPYRIGHT 2013 © Asso - [email protected]
COPYRIGHT 2013 © Asso - [email protected]